Relap(se)

Today I cycled to her place to retrieve some mails for her family, the journey reminded me of the old days picking her up for swimming except it was a dark autumn night, except she was not there.

It was dark I got a bit lost along the back alleys of Barbican. It was around 18:20, I managed to get into the building to get her mails. After that I thought, maybe it would be a good excuse to go swimming in Golden Lane Swimming Pool in her honour.

Walked my bike in the estate, the was no-one at the pool’s reception so I smuggled in. (I knew Aurélie would have approved my little mischief with a wink of her eyes ;)

The changing room has never felt so empty, even the green tiles feels cold and lonesome. The lane only had three swimmers so we all have our own lanes to ourselves.

The lane was so quiet and there was only me, outside of the glass, I was surrounded by the corridor lights of the housing estates in the Brutalist architecture, shining on the empty tennis court next to the pool.

Meanwhile, I was wearing her navy swimsuit that she gave it to me as a gift. I started swimming in clockwise:

Lap → I feel there is this warmth that she is with me, surrounding me with this very blue, breathing with me.
Next lap ← This immense void engulf me and I will always be left with this chronic sorrow forever.
Lap → We reunited in the underwater. That’s us, and that’s enough.
Next lap ← I cannot bear the absence of you.
Lap → Breathe in, I am hopeful I will be ok.
Next lap ← Weeping water, water.

↱ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ⭢ ↴
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