We've lost another of our own kind.
The first time I met you, you were about to put a tupperware into the microwave in the terrace kitchen in our former office. I thought to myself "I must talk to this beautiful girl with curly hair." So I made a conversation, soon I realised that you had been sitting opposite to me behind the computer screen for a couple of days. You were my new colleague in the fabric team whilst I was buried with work in the production team.
We became friends very quickly due to work but also we shared similar taste and interests in art & culture. You asked me to explain to the Chinese factory about some fabric design in my local language. Many nights we stayed overtime and played some French disco music and sang along to it. We remained a good friendship after I left AP, you were the first girl who came along with me to the crazy body-building gym on Mare Street and trained really hard with Marian.
When I lost my friend Kirsti two winters ago, you took me for a long walk in the Walthamstow wetlands, through the marshes and went to pet some horses in the Lee Valley riding centre. We watched the horses going round and round in the riding ranch. We thought of maybe we should take some horse riding lessons in the summer. We thought maybe we should learn how to surf in Portugal. Maybe maybe maybe...so many possibilities so many dreams.
You inspired me so much.
I miss you so much and miss listening to you talking about your silly day. Doing some hilarious selfies in the changing room. Getting food after the gym.
We talked about how we would grow old and had our own lives and would see each other again. Our shared love of Japanese cartoon characters: remember I brought you that Dorayaki with Doraemon's face printed on top of the pancake from Hong Kong.
Sunday's art date strolling around book shops in Soho with Fede. Dim sum-day with my dad and he came to visit, followed by arcade games - you sucked at Taiko drum master so I taught you how to count beats, and you were so obsessed with Dance Dance Revolutions and we pretended we were K-pop stars. We danced to the same song over and over again until we were so sweaty.
There are times I will remember you making me Salad Nicoise because you hated cheese. You taught me how to make French Vinaigrette.
You said 'Be kinder to J, he's my birthday twin, we are complex.' I was so mad with J and ditched him and took you in. We were waiting for the bus. We had green tea and you told me about everything. I tucked you in bed and we shared the bed together that night. I made you smashed avocado breakfast. I wish I could turn the clock back, I just so wanted to re-live these moments, just one more day.
The golden light on your ravishing cheekbones will stay eternal. That little flower I picked for you in the Barbican Conservatory. Ma petite chou, petite fleur.
Though through these eyes are always a hint of sadness, not too little but not too much.
Or, your elegant silhouette in the dark in the concert hall by my right-hand side.
We all going to create our very own little version of Aurelie, her aura made of porcelain, translucent, fragile but beautiful, such as life.
It pains me knowing that I won't be picking you up from yours to the Golden Lane swimming pool on Sunday morning.
It hurts me what is now left in me is these fond memories are not going to continue to grow.
All the nights are slowly blurred into one single night.
I don't think I can possibly love you more than I already do. and with you, I really tried.
Running hot water in the bathtub, music was playing Múm's Green Green Grass of Tunnel:
Behind these two hills
here there's a pool.
And when I'm swimming in through a tunnel
I shut my eyes.
Tears welled up, water touches my eyes,
Eyes closed, sunk with the tears,
travel through the deepest water,
the heaviness of everything I drowned.
Here she is, her back in the black swimsuit, floating hair, doing little frog legs.
And I'm missing you, this letter is meant for your eyes only,
Oh Aurélie my dream, my beauty, my laughter, my star,
I want to find many many songs,
many many poetry.
Oh Aurélie I'll sing your name across every sea,
To give your life poetry.
To make sure your name is known across every sea.
Swimming far, far away.
